These are the favourites ones I’ve ever dealt with:
“My mouse isn’t working”. Thinking maybe the mouse has packed up or come unplugged, or maybe just windows has screwed up, I walk over to user’s desk to find her moving her cigarette packet around wondering why the mouse pointer isn’t moving. hmmm. Another time it was her glasses’ case. Yup same user.
Asking a user to reboot their PC, it took all of about 2 seconds. Turns out they’d just switched the monitor off and on. That was “how to reboot” and they had never actually shut their PC down or logged out of it in ooooh about 3 years as they didn’t know how to. The only time they ever logged in was after a reboot to apply updates.
No idea how to use a mouse. Picking up the mouse and running it flat side down over the screen. I walked away crying (with laughter) and asked someone else in their team if they could give them a few tips.
Unable to send an email to their work account from home. It just kept bouncing. Eventually I asked them to send me a copy as well, which I received. Checking the mailserver logs, I trakced it down as “user does not exist” and it turns out he was spelling his own surname incorrectly!
There was the user working in a remote office whose machine wouldn’t boot. So the only option then is to gain physical access to the PC. Ask the user to bring the PC in, as they were due in our office for a meeting, and they turn up with the monitor and no PC. oops. The actual fault with the PC was eventually tracked down to it not being plugged in 🙂
Small branch office where the network kept going offline at 5:30pm every weekday for about 15 mins. The cleaner was unplugging the router to plug their hoover in, and disconnecting all 10 users from the network.
The ageing gent who would ask me probably every 3-4 months over a period of maybe 5 years “is Acrobat reader still free?” and he worked in IT!
Mind you, the same person actually had their name spelt wrong in their email signature for quite a long time (weeks/months) and didn’t notice. Someone else had changed it as a joke.